China's Excellent Adventure
by PlatinumPixels
Summary: When China discovers that Hong Kong has been meeting with England, he has to find out the truth about Hong Kong. What will happen when China ventures out to Europe armed with an RV and Chinese food? Use of human names. Rated T; Subject to change.
1. Road Trip!

**H'okay, so I haven't wrote fanfics in like forever. This idea just HAD to be done in my opinion. I used the name Xiao for Hong Kong, because it's one of the potential names for his character, also, I think it fits the best since he lives right by Yao [Don't get me wrong, I think the name Leon is ADORABLE for him~]. Also, if you can understand the song reference in here, that means my love for you burns even MOAR. Characters will be introduced throughout the chapters AND the rating might change~ Anyhoo, enjoy~! **

* * *

The sun shone brightly through the window of Yao's home. He sat at the table, sipping his tea as he watched Kiku tinker with his new phone. It was a normal day for Yao, except today, he was deep in thought.

"Hey Kiku", he began, putting down his cup ,"I visited Xiao yesterday..."

The man across him did not look up, but listened intently ,"Yes?"

Yao began to trace out the ring the cup left on the table ,"And I have taken notice that he speaks fluently when it comes to his English... Why might that be?"

Kiku drew his attention away from the phone, looking up at him with thoughtful dark-amber eyes ,"Well, that _is_ a good question". He tapped his fingers on the table, rationalizing on why this may be. Finally, he has come up with a theory.

"Doesn't he get plenty of letters addressed and written in English?" he asked, continuing onto his theory ,"And they also come from Europe".

"And your point is?" Yao sighed, leaning his head on the heel of his left hand.

"Well, the only man in Europe that speaks in English is Kirkland-san", Kiku replied ,"He must be visiting Xiao in his spare time and teaching him English-" At that moment, Kiku was led to a startling revelation ,"They also do look alike in some way..."

"You're right!" Yao jumped up, his gold eyes ablaze ,"I need to go see Arthur now! I have some questions for him-"

"Wait!" the Japanese man cried out ,"How are you going to get there?"

Yao shrugged in response ,"I guess I'll have to take a car..." He glanced over at Kiku, smiling ,"You still have that gift from Alfred, right?"

"Yes", the jet-blacked hair nation tilted his head in a perplexed manner ,"Why do you ask?"

* * *

Yao was becoming nervous, glancing at the map now and then. Even though there was a GPS system installed into Kiku's RV, Yao could not use it. Reason why?

When he turned it on, a strange Western voice began to speak to him, frightening him into pressing random buttons on the screen, which connected him to a woman from On-Star. After she asked for his case of emergancy, he smashed the GPS in with the fire extinguisher he discovered in the back of the spacious vehicle.

"Aiya! What a scary demon woman!" he shuddered at the memory of the voice, still glancing at the map.

Following the routes with his eyes, he began to panic ,"Wait! This isn't right!"

He slammed on the breaks in the middle of the road, looking around.

He slumped in his seat, reading the map frantically ,"Wasn't I supposed to turn there? No wait... I did turn- No! I got off the wrong highway!"

He noticed that there were no other vehicles in sight, only miles of land. It was empty... Almost, too empty.

"AIIIYAAAAA!" he shouted in frustration, smashing his head into the steering wheel, setting off the horn.

It was a humorous Spanish song- Something about cockroaches maybe?- that was used in almost every RV made by Alfred. _Maybe he could have picked something more... American,_ Yao rubbed his abused forehead , _Like that little Canadian girl who is popular with all those fifteen-year-olds_.

Just then, he heard a thunk on the roof of the RV. Startled, he ran outside of the vehicle, to see what it was. A bird? A meteor? Maybe that Canadian girl he was previously thinking about?

He peeked in front of the RV to see a man lying face down in a pink, tattered scarf.

"Aiya- Sir!" he ran over to him, kneeling by the injured men ,"Are you alright?"

The man looked up, blood running down from his head and nose ,"I have been better, da?" he smiled.

"Aiya! You're bleeding! Here, let me get you some bandag-" he was interrupted by the sickening crack of broken cartilage.

"It is alright, you see", the man smiled, a strange accent hinted in his words ,"I guess I miscalculated a little too much on the drop? I didn't mean to startle you".

"Y-Yes, i-it's fine", Yao replied sickly, his face pale.

"Oh, let me introduce myself comrade", the man was still grinning, standing up ,"My name is Ivan. Ivan Braginski, da".

"I-I'm Yao..." the Chinese man stuck out his hand ,"Wang Yao..."

"Nice to meet you", Ivan looked at his RV in awe ,"It looks even better up close! I only got the top view while I fell on the roof of it".

"Y-Yeah... would you like to come in for a bit?" he offered.

"Da, that would be nice comrade", he walked into the vehicle, looking around inside ,"Hey~ Why is the GPS smashed in-"

Yao began to make wild gestures, laughing nervously ,"Haha, don't worry about it! It was already like this when I got it, haha! Maybe some drunk did it, haha, or some crazy man! Haha, I-I didn't do it, that's foolish! I swear I didn't, haha! I didn't just take a fire extingusher and smash it in because of a demon possessing it, haha!"

Ivan looked at him with a puzzled look ,"O-Okay..."

After inspecting the interior of the RV, he flopped down on the chair in the kitchen, smiling in content ,"Da, such a nice place, I wish I would have one of these..." He turned to the long-haired man ,"So, you are on a vacation of some sort, da?"

"Err... I guess you can say that", Yao cleared his throat ,"Actually, I'm driving up to Europe".

"Oh how nice", he smiled ,"Da, I was on my way there too. In fact, I think I'll join you~! Da, it will be a fun little road trip!"

"W-Wait, I never said you could-" Ivan creeped up close to him, a cynical smile curling his lips, his violet eyes filling with a sadistic twinge.

"I will join you, da?" his voice became scratchy and dark, making Yao shake ,"And you will make me food, or I will cut your head off, da?"

The horrified man nodded briskly, as if it was his only way to escape death. Soon, the sweet innocent smile returned to Ivans face ,"Okay! I will be in the bedroom! I want the top bunk!" He ran into the room, leaving Yao flushed of all color.

He almost collapsed, scurrying to the front of the RV. He locked the door behind him, flopped down into the drivers seat, and buckled his seatbelt lightning-fast.

He let out a long sigh, as if he was holding his breath the whole time.

_This is going to be a long trip..._


	2. Roomies!

**So thanks for the reviews, I really do appriciate it. This chapter was inspired by some lame inside joke I share with one of my friends [who's extremely AWESOME at writing- and it's beyond me why she doesn't have an account on here-, I kid you not] and I wanted something to filler for my story... Also, I just HAD to include a psycho character in here [not to mention, one of my favorites as well], because hey, I'm psycho! Reviews are helpful, as are well-structured criticism, not just "DIS STOREY IZ SO GAY ND HOOMMMMMMOOOOO!1!1111ONE". And if you do that, you are just a slut-scone.**

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"Aiya! I burnt it again!" Yao looked down at his wok sadly, observing the burnt vegetables in it. He looked over at Ivan, who sat at the table watching the television intently with spacious pale-violet eyes.

The Chinese man sighed, scraping off the last of the blackened peppers into the trash. He was cooking breakfast for both the Russian and himself, but he was so nervous about perfecting his dish, that he would forget to adjust the stove and burn everything into a crisp.

After another attempt, he was finally able to produce the perfect dish that would hopefully please the big-boned man. He plucked the food out of the wok, placing them on two dishes. He brought over the two plates to the table, looking over at the television.

"What are you watching that is so interesting?" Yao glanced at the screen suspiciously, trying to figure out what Ivan was watching.

The show opened with children- that looked well around twelve-years-old- falling into some type of eternal space. Then, a bunch of short frames- that all lasted about a millisecond- of strange creatures that resembled miniature dinosaurs and cacti. Some kind of repetitive song looped through these scenes.

"What... is this?" Yao watch the screen, somehow captivated by the strangeness of the show.

"It is called 'Digimon', da?" Ivan looked at him with a small smile ,"We don't have this show in my home. Maybe I can ask Toris if he can buy it for me..."

The amber-eyed man didn't respond, but only sat down and ate his breakfast, watching the foreign show along with the Russian. As soon as he was done, he washed off the plate and went back to the driver's seat of the RV. As he started the car, he could still hear the faint song looping.

Either Ivan was watching a marathon or Yao was going insane...

* * *

Two hours into the drive, the Chinese man was getting tired of watching the same scenery- consisting of road and more road- and the silence that filled the RV. He began to feel his eyelids getting heavy, making him dose off slightly. Without warning, Ivan burst into the front of the vehicle, singing:

"Digimon! Digital MONSTERS!"

Not only did this wake Yao up- and prove that Ivan _was_ indeed watching a marathon special- it also sent him swerving down the road, panicking as he turned the wheel frantically the prevent him from sending the vehicle into an accident.

When he finally got the vehicle straightened out, he glared over at the Russian ,"Don't EVER do that again! You could have killed us!"

Ivan gazed at him with a hurt, innocent look. "I-I'm sorry. Da. I am truely sorry", he nodded, sitting down by him ,"It won't happen again, just don't be mad at Ivan..."

_'Why did he just refer himself in first person..?'_ Yao internally asked, nodding to him in response ,"It's alright. I'm not mad".

"Ivan is glad, da?" he smiled widely, closing his eyes. He sat in his seat, singing the looped song over and over under his breath.

* * *

Yao was tempted to send them both flying over a cliff after an hour of listening to the song as he drove through the serpenting route. And as if it were some miracle, they reached a small tollbooth with a young girl attending to it.

The Chinese man looked over at the Russian, noticing the color drained of color. "What's the matter with you?" Yao sighed.

"N-Nothing", Ivan replied, running to the back of the RV, locking himself in the small bedroom.

Yao growled, driving up to the toll booth. "Hello", he greeted the young platinum-blonde girl.

She nodded back. "Passport?" she asked, a familiar accent latching to her words. It sounded a lot like Ivan's to say the least...

The amber-eyed man pulled out his piece of identification, handing it to the young woman. After glancing over it, she returned back to him ,"Is anyone else in this vehicle?"

"Yes", the Chinese man reported ,"He is hiding out in the back".

"Don't say I'm here!" the Russian cried out, his voice unusually high. The voice made the girl snap her head up, her eyes going wide.

"Big brother!" she screeched, running to the back of the RV, scraatching on the tinted windows ,"Let me in!"

"Go away!" Ivan cried out again, running around the vehicle like a madman.

"Why don't you just marry me brother?" she hissed, pounding against the damaged window ,"Marry me, marry me, marry me marry me marry me..."

The terrified Russian ran over the Yao, perplexed with the current situation and someone irritated.

"Who is she and why is she trying to break in?" he asked, noticing the fear evident in Ivan's violet eyes.

"Just drive!" the Russian cried out, desperately flooring on the gas.

"AIYAAA!" the amber-eyed man shouted, grabbing the steering wheel as he frantically turned it to regain the appropriate direction of the RV. After he got it positioned into a straight line, he huffed ,"Don't ever do that as well!"

Ivan did not pay attention, but only gazed into the side mirror, watching the girl waving her fist in the air get smaller and smaller as they drove off.

"Who was that girl anyway?" Yao sighed, trying to calm down after the incident back at the booth.

The Russian man turned back to the driver, his violet eyes back to his normal size ,"Oh that was my crazy sister, Natalia. She always wants to be with me, even though I tell her 'nyet' every time".

"Right..." the dark-haired man sighed ,"Where are we anyway?"

Ivan put a finger to his chin, in deep thought. "Ah yes", his eyes lit up ,"We're in one of my territories, da? That mean's we're very close to Feliks' house, da?"

"So how far off are we from Arthur's?" Yao looked over at the white-haired man.

"Ahh... I don't know", the tall man smiled back, making the driver slump in his seat, sighing.

"Well, I guess we have a long ride ahead of us..."

"... Can I sing the song-"

"No".


	3. Tour Guide Poland!

**Phew, this took a little while to write. Well, I'd have to admit that I added some -slight- historical stuff into this chapter, along with some crack. I was actually was going to use the awesome town of Sieradz for this fic, but since they were coming from the southeastern direction of Lithuania [and from the southern route of a Russia-dominated area], I used one of the major Polish towns close to those locations. There's some Polish words in here [thanks to me being Polish] and just Polish weirdness in here. So enjoy~**

* * *

"Aiyaa! What did you do to my TV?" Yao shouted out.

He looked down at the crushed television set, fizzing loudly. Suddenly, it combusted into a pile of melted plastic and tangled wires.

"I am sorry!" Ivan cowered, grasping the pick-axe he used to destroy the object ,"Ivan got angry with the program that was on- since it was not Digimon, da?- and so I smashed it! Forgive me!"

The Chinese man sighed, grabbing a broom from the bathroom ,"I don't want to hear it, just go wait for me in the front..."

The Russian man nodded, dropping the pick-axe as it landed with a violent _'thud'_, making the amber-eyed man jump. He continued to sweep up the pieces, sighing _,"Kiku is going to be really upset about this..."_

After Yao was finished with his cleaning, he sat down in the driver's seat, starting the engine ,"Alright, let's keep going".

"Da", the violet-eyed man replied, looking out of the window spaciously. Yao started to drive, going through turns here and there.

* * *

After a couple of minutes, they appeared in a small, town-like area with small shops lining the sidewalks and streets.

"Where are we?" Yao pulled out his map, skimming over the scribbled-on map of Europe.

"We are in the Old Town of Olsztyn, da?" the Russian smiled, pointing to a small, green sign ,"Seems as if we're in Poland, da~?"

As if on cue, the blond-haired Polish man ran over to the driver's side ,"Hej! Like, you're not allowed to park that thing here!"

"I-I'm sorry..." The Chinese man bowed his head ,"Then where do we go?"

"Beats me", the emerald-eyed man shrugged ,"Just leave it here. People can, like, walk around it".

"A-Alright", Yao parked the RV, climbing out of it with Ivan following him.

"I'm Feliks. So, like, what brings you here-" The blond stopped, notincing the Russian behind Yao ,"Cholera! Like, what are you doing in my country?"

Ivan grinned evilly, a dark aura surrounding him as he began to murmur ,"Is there a problem~? Kol kol kol..."

"Well, duh! You sort of, like, took over my land like a ton of times! And you stole my precious Liet!" the Polish man hissed ,"Now why are you here? Did you, like, come back to take it away from me again?"

The Chinese man intervened, laughing nervously ,"O-Of course not! W-We were just driving up to England a-and we just want to take a short-cut here, hahaha..."

Feliks raised an eyebrow, soon settling into a smile ,"Well, since you're here, I'm like, going to give you a tour and junk!"

"I-I really think we should get-" Yao was interrupted.

"Don't be silly!" the blond laughed proudly ,"Olsztyn is like, one of the coolest towns in my country to, like, visit!"

With that, Feliks recruited them into a golf cart-which was pulled by the faithful Pony, _mind you_-and began to take them through the Old Town and the Market Square.

* * *

"Okay", the Polish man began ,"So like, this town was, like, built by Teutonic Knights, because they, like, killed a forest or something and then people started to, like, live there. Okay, and then, all these Swedish people began to, like, invade my country, and then we, like, totally kicked some major dupa, because we Polish people are, like, totally awesome! Anyway, the-"

The golf cart was brought to a halt as the man jumped off his trusty steed, shrieking in horror ,"Hej! Like, stop building those crappy stores here!"

There was a noir-haired man standing on top of a ladder, nailing a sign over a small shop. He turned to face the blond man, a long strand of hair poking out of the right side of his head ,"Hey, don't tell me what to do, da ze!"

"Im Yong Soo?" Yao climbed out of the horse-drawn vehicle, looking up at him ,"What are you doing here?"

"Hey! Long time no see, Yao!" the Korean grinned ,"I'm spreading my amazing cuisine everywhere, da ze! Besides, stores nautrally originated in Korea!"

"You liar!" Feliks shouted ,"People, like, totally get, like, sraczka here because of your crappy food! It's, like, the return of the bubonic plague!"

Yao didn't know exactly what happened when he heard 'bubonic plague' come from the Polish man's mouth. It was almost like a pang of guilt...? The Chinese man shrugged it off, daignosing it as heartburn.

"You should put up a store here too, da ze!" the other Asian offered.

It occured to Yao that it would be the perfect idea. He can finally get more people to enjoy actual Chinese food, not that pseudo-Chinese cuisine Alfred fed to half of the world. It was embarrassing enough that Yao offered to put one of those in his major cities.

_"It was only because Alfred threatened to use my pandas for his new 'Firecracker Beijing Beef' or whatever he called that slop.." _The Chinese man pouted. Also, if he _did_ put up a shop, he could sell those twenty shipments of boxes of Shinatty plushies-not that they didn't sell well back in his home because they creeped out the children...

No, not at all.

"Yao?" the Russian poked his right arm, confused with why he was murmuring something about surpluses and overspending.

"Must..." Yao's right eye started to twitch ,"Set. Up. Gift shop!"

The Chinese man snatched the ladder-Causing the Korean to fall- and began to remodel an empty shop-_"Which was probably going to be just another pierogi shop"_, Yao chuckled inwardly at the thought as he put the finishing touch on the shop: a bold-red sigh with glistening, gold lettering.

The Polish man fell to his knees, bawling ,"That's, like, not cool! It was going to be, like, an apteka, or a pierogi shop, but still!"

"Let's get out of here", the Chinese man began to sprint briskly back to the RV, the Russian trying to desperately keep up with him.

"What about me?" Im Yong Soo cried out ,"I'm too lazy to run, da ze!"

The Korean joined with the Polish man in a sobfest, all because of Yao's injustice... and the lack of a pharmacy.

* * *

**First footnote thing I've ever done for these chapters, but the whole part with Korea and China building shops is actually quite accurate. Today in Poland, you'll find a lot of Asian immigrants there and they set up shops in small towns and whatnot. The most prevalent Asian shops are Korean and Chinese. Also, Asians in Poland tend to learn Polish quite quickly [which surprises me] and they face a lot of resentment from the Polish population living in those towns and cities.**


End file.
